Oh, Wal-Mart… how you annoy thee.

Went to Walmart today to get some things for work. Usually, the day is slightly less annoying than the evening. Today, not so much. So... here we go... Top 10 Things That Annoyed me at Walmart Today:

1. Orphaned shopping carts in the parking lot

2. Shopping carts returned to the corral in a haphazard manner rather than in two, nicely organized lines

3. People parking in places that aren’t parking spaces

4. People trying so very hard to find the closest possible parking spot on the warmest day of the year

5. Almost as many people using electric carts as those not (maybe they all need them, I don’t know, but I doubt it)

6. One person blocking one side of the isle, another one blocking the other while eating an apple pie. I stand there for two minutes and give her a dirty look. She states she needs something where the other person is. And, apparently, doesn’t know how to walk backwards.

7. “Walmart People” (Oh, you know.)

8. Walmart employee answering a question using the fewest possible words and without making eye contact or moving in any way (although the second person I asked happily walked me to the item—my hat off to you)

9. Not enough checkers. Too many self-serve lanes.

10. “Please place your item inside the bagging area. Please place your item inside the bagging area. Please wait for assistance.” The item is in the stupid* bagging area, you stupid* machine! You want me to throw it in again? How ‘bout I purchase a hammer and place it in the bagging area after I finish beating your stupid* speaker into oblivion? Not so demanding now, are you?

*Not the words I wanted to use.

You think you have computer problems?

I post this because, in retrospect, it is vaguely humorous to me. And, to show those of you who think you’re the only ones to ever have computer problems, that this is indeed not the case.

Sunday evening I began work on a video tribute to show at my great-uncles funeral the following day. As these videos usually are, it was rather a last-minute deal. And, in this particular case I had less time than usual because I had started assembling a storage shed kit manufactured by the makers of Hell over the weekend and couldn’t stop it half completed as it would most likely been destroyed by the wind and such.

I was already frustrated to the point that I had no patience left for anything else. I about tore my screen door off the hinges, for instance, as my house had shifted and it no longer worked the way I expect screen doors to work.

Luckily, I had most of the pictures already in digital form and had scanned in the rest. This is usually the most time consuming part. In a decision that would haunt me for the rest of the evening, I chose to use Windows Movie Maker (WMM) to create the video rather than my normal PowerPoint. I dropped the photos in, added captions to each and sat back and thought… wow, that was easy. Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha. My nightmare begins.

Each picture was only showing for 5 seconds- not nearly long enough. No, problem, I though, I’ll just increase the time. Turns out, there is no such option. Seriously. I Googled it. This is, by far, the most ridiculous thing I had ever discovered missing from a program. I was expected to manually increase each slide by dragging a little bar over to 10 seconds. For 70 slides. I found a work around though. WMM has a feature where one can slow all the slides down ½ speed. Which makes each slide 10 seconds. Good. For now.

I then run through it to discover that the captions don’t stay with the photo, but on position in the timeline where I put them. So I had to manually move 70 captions under their respective photos. And also increase the time by dragging the stupid little bar.

Ready for music. WMM won’t accept iTunes music. Which was expected- same way with PowerPoint. So I use this little program to convert the iTunes file to WAV. However, it has decided it can’t find my audio input device, so that’s out. Rather than struggle to figure out that problem, I just whip out my notebook computer to do the conversion there. I don’t have the program, so I go to download it, only to discover my wireless network is down due to my router crapping out the day before. So, I manually connect my computer to my temporary replacement wired router but it will not connect to the Internet. Absolutely refuses. My mind boggles. So, finally I connect it to my neighbor’s wireless internet which drifts into my house occasionally (thanks, neighbor). I get the program downloaded and go back to my desktop to get the music. I burn it to a CD since I can’t access my network to get the files off iTunes. Back to the notebook—the music absolutely refuses to play. New idea… run an audio cord from the desktop to the notebook and record it that way. It records… absolute garbage. I don’t know why—copy protection probably. I finally got the music converted on the desktop by downloading a different program.

Now time to insert the music into the slide show. Works out fine except it’s three minutes longer than the photos. Usually, I would divide the music by the number of photos I have and change the duration of all slides accordingly. But, as I mentioned before, not possible in WMM. So, I had to manually adjust each photo an additional five seconds or so, until I got the length right. This, of course, threw off all the captions again. Got those fixed. Okay… finally done.

Time to burn to DVD. I have an external DVD burner and TV in my office I use. I play the video to the DVD burner and record it. Only, my TV has quit working. Dead as a doornail. So, I get a really long cable and run it to my bedroom TV. Which is on channel 60 for the satellite, but needs to be on channel 3. Which is not a saved channel. So I dig out the remote only to find the batteries dead. I change the batteries and find it still doesn’t work. Turns out the batteries had corroded and damaged the little bouncy spring thingies. So, I got a knife and scratched all that off and finally got it to channel 3.

Only it turns out after all that, WMM did one thing I liked… it lets me burn off a nifty DVD with menu right from my computer. I try to forget the last half-hour I spent connecting a TV.

It’s now 2:00 in the morning. The computer is doing something called encoding that is taking forever. I decide to call it a night with an Advil PM because I’m so wound up yet so tired. I did get it finished up the next morning with little time to spare.

So, if you somehow read this whole thing, think of this experience the next time you have a computer issue and maybe it won’t seem so bad. And, take my advice, if you’re using something that works, by all means, just stick with it. And stay away from WMM.

I can't afford not to buy a new keyboard

I have this wireless keyboard I've had for years that I have a love/hate relationship with. It has some special buttons for the photo program I use and they don't make it any more, so I have refused, up to now, to buy a new one. The problem is that the CTRL key wore out long ago. This is problematic because I use the CTRL key a lot when I organize my photos. I will get like 20 selected and when I go to select the next one I will lose all my selections because the CTRL key will stop working. It's so frustrating, but I keep trying over and over. If I hold it down hard enough it will usually work. But about a month ago I got especially mad and threw the keyboard in the general direction of my office door. Unfortunately, it hit the door not once, but twice putting two keyboard-sized holes in it and then flew into the hall where it put a small dent in my wood. But, I picked up the pieces and a little tape and super glue later, I was back to work. Fast forward to tonight. I had been working on a website for several hours and was tired and hungry. The CTRL key had been giving me fits all night and there was this commercial for Carter County Dodge that kept coming on the radio and inching me ever so close to insanity. The CTRL key failed for about the tenth consecutive time so I took the keyboard firmly in both hands and drilled it ever so destructively into the floor. Oh, you should have seen it. Keys went everywhere. After a break and realizing that I had to get the site done and didn't have a backup keyboard, I starting reassembling. It was like a puzzle, really. I have yet to find the right SHIFT and the F10 button, but ehh... those aren't that important anyway. My trusty keyboard and I will power through... at least until I can get to Staples tomorrow to replace it. I really don't think I can afford not to. And, now you know my dark side... astonishing little patience with computer peripherals.

Rules for Crazy Corner

Since I have to go through Arlington & Mississippi (AKA Crazy Corner) at least twice a day, I have created a list of rules that, if followed, would make the journey a little less frustrating. I have had my fair-share of near misses there, and one that was not so much a near-miss.

1. PAY ATTENTION! Go when it's your turn.
2. If you miss your turn, YOU ARE OUT OF LUCK. Do not just try to go the next available time. It screws everything up. Wait until it's your turn again.
3. Cell phones are not allowed at Crazy Corner. I will come out of my truck and remove it from your hand. Harshly.
   
4. If the person next to you goes, you might as well too.
5. If you're turning right from Mississippi to Arlington, you don't have to yield. Stopping will get you hit. Exception: If a semi is turning into the adjacent lane, maybe you stop a little because they will run your butt over.
   
6. If you're in the right lane of Arlington going east, you have to turn right. Do not attempt to go straight. You will get ran over multiple times, most likely by those following rule 5.
   
7. Don't stop on the tracks. You will get ran over by a TRAIN!
8. If you're on Arlington going west and want to turn right onto Mississippi, use the off-ramp. Don't go up to the intersection and turn right. It confuses people and it's a weird turn anyway.
9. Watch for the one-way signs. I've seen a few people turn down the wrong way and that just isn't a good thing.
10. If you are wanting to collect money, hand out literature or dress up as the Statue of Liberty and/or Uncle Sam for advertising purposes, STAY AWAY FROM CRAZY CORNER. The absolute last thing that intersection needs are more distractions.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The lost art of saying "thank you."

Okay, a little rant here. I'm a big stickler for the whole being polite thing. Lots of "please" and "thank you's" from me. That's just how I was raised. I'm beginning to see an unfortunate trend of that going away, especially in businesses. If I buy something from you, no matter if it's a Mountain Dew or a new truck, I want to hear you say "thank you," and try to mean it too.

I'm going to tell the person who waited on me thank you too, even if I don't hear it first. You helped me, so you're getting a thank you. Here are some acceptable responses to my thank you, in order of my preference.

1. Thank you too!
2. You're welcome
3. Have a good day

Here are some unacceptable responses, one of which inspired this rant.

1. Yeah.
2. Mmm Hmm
3. Uhh huh
4. No response whatsoever

Okay, I'm done now. If your in the business of helping people, please take this to heart. Oh, and thanks.