Things I learned from bowling...

So, we just finished up our 36 week bowling league. This was a first for me and I had bowled probably a total of 10 times prior to joining the league. We did okay, we got 3rd place overall and 2nd in the second half. I think there were 15 teams. Who knew I would learn so much...

1. I was good even when I wasn't. I did improve, but at the beginning I was pretty bad. However, through the magic of handicaps, I got 98 points just for showing up. I think maybe it was the highest there. It dropped to 76 by the end, but still pretty helpful.


2. They don't count handicaps in your personal score. Every time we finished, my teammates would be like... hey, you bowled a 100 tonight. And, I was like, no... I bowled a 198! And, they were like... no, you don't count the handicap in your score, just the teams total. And, I was like... why the heck not!? I would always beat everyone if they did. And, they were like... okay, point over.


3. The bowling alley bathrooms are nasty. Enough said.


4. The bowling alley machinery has issues. Just a few of the problems encountered... balls getting stuck. Missing pins (sometimes 1, sometimes 8). Pins just falling onto the lane as you're bowling (always good for a laugh). The machine wiping away all the pins after the first delivery and counting it a spare (you don't get to keep it, sadly). They players all have these hand signals for what's wrong. They yell up to the counter and do the hand signal for what's wrong. It's quite funny. Perhaps the funniest thing is when they have to manually set one pin. You just see this hand come down and place a pin on the lane. Cracks me up every time.


5. If it's 1-2, it's going to be a long night. The notorious lanes 1 and 2 are the worst in the bowling alley. When we were unfortunate enough to get those, we just figure it's going to take at least an extra 30 minutes. We also figure on Ray getting mad and a) throwing his shoe, ball bag, etc b) kicking the ball return or c) running up and down across the rest of the lanes yelling because everyone else has gone home anyway.


6. Brook! AKA Brooklyn, it is usually yelled by the other players whenever the ball goes to the left of the head pin rather than the right. I was totally lost the first time it happened.


7. Allen Cheerleader: When there is three pins left, in a roll, with spaces in between (like missing teeth). I don't condone it, I'm jut reporting it.


8. Fact'd. When you bowl a good ball, but the pins just don't go down. Such as: dude, you just got fact'd. And sometimes that cleverly disguised PG version isn't used at all.


9. To the Wall! Nothing but strikes from here out. I don't really know why it means that.


10. Not all strikes are equal. If you bowl a strike, but on a horrible ball, at least one member of the opposing team will bend over and pretend to throw up, as what they witnessed just made them that sick.


11. The lanes can be dry or wet but are rarely perfect. I still don't know exactly what that means either, but I should learn because it seems to be a very good thing to blame bad bowling on.


12. Beer Frame. Whenever everyone bowls a strike except for one person, that person has to by everyone else a beer. It doesn't always happen, but someone always notices.


13. Sandbagger! Means a person who bowls bad on purpose to keep a low handicap, but is usually yelled in humor at someone who has bowled an otherwise perfect game and then does not strike. Then, everyone yells sandbagger! at him like he did it on purpose.


14. Cherry picker! Usually yelled at a bowler when there are two pins left side by side and he only gets one of them. I don't know why.


15. You have to do the hand slap or the fist bust ever time. Every time you bowl, you have to slap hands with your teammates if you got a mark (strike or spare) or bust fits if you didn't. This usually applies to the other team too, in the interest of showmanship. But some teams have different rules. Like hand slaps with both hands. Or only fist busts. Or, no fist busts. And, sometimes the spectators get into it to. There's an awfully lot of hand slaps and high fives going on, let me tell you. And don't leave anyone hanging, for goodness sakes. They'll either chase after you screaming slaphands! slaphands! or look all puppy dog sad.

Oh, yes. Bowling. How could I not do it again next year? Actually, I think it will be pretty easy.